Season 1 (2003)

7.91 avg 25 episodes 8.1 → 8.1 21 min avg

Season 1 episodes — IMDb ratings
#	Title	Rating	Votes
0	Most Chicks Won't Eat Veal: Original Pilot	8.1	1,442
1	Pilot	8.1	2,887
2	Big Flappy Bastards	7.7	2,364
3	Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell	7.7	2,187
4	If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap	7.9	2,117
5	The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a Hump	7.8	2,099
6	Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?	7.5	1,990
7	If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake	8.3	2,111
8	Twenty-five Little Pre-pubers Without a Snoot-ful	7.8	1,975
9	Phase One, Complete	7.5	1,886
10	Merry Thanksgiving	8.0	2,057
11	Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor	7.6	1,856
12	Camel Filters and Pheromones	8.6	2,874
13	Sarah Like Puny Alan	7.6	1,830
14	I Can't Afford Hyenas	7.7	1,848
15	Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick	7.8	1,944
16	That Was Saliva, Alan	7.8	1,890
17	Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats	7.9	1,822
18	An Old Flame with a New Wick	8.4	2,151
19	I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You	8.1	1,918
20	Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark	7.5	1,772
21	No Sniffing, No Wowing	8.0	1,909
22	My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet	7.8	1,773
23	Just Like Buffalo	8.5	2,086
24	Can You Feel My Finger	8.1	1,840

Season 2 (2004)

7.88 avg 24 episodes 7.9 → 8.3 22 min avg

Rebound

Season 2 episodes — IMDb ratings
#	Title	Rating	Votes
1	Back Off Mary Poppins	7.9	2,203
2	Enjoy Those Garlic Balls	7.6	1,670
3	A Bag Full of Jawea	7.9	1,721
4	Go Get Mommy's Bra	7.9	1,639
5	Bad News from the Clinic	7.6	1,659
6	The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance	7.8	1,611
7	A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana	7.3	1,626
8	Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers	8.0	1,646
9	Yes, Monsignor	7.7	1,669
10	The Salmon Under My Sweater	7.9	1,643
11	Last Chance to See Those Tattoos	8.0	1,691
12	A Lung Full of Alan	8.0	1,746
13	Zejdz z Zmoich Wlosów	8.2	1,681
14	Those Big Pink Things with Coconut	7.6	1,540
15	Smell the Umbrella Stand	7.8	1,570
16	Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth?	8.2	1,685
17	Woo-Hoo, a Hernia-Exam!	7.8	1,653
18	It Was Mame, Mom	8.1	1,786
19	A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise	7.8	1,629
20	I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey	7.6	1,619
21	A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On	7.8	1,606
22	That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother	7.6	1,580
23	Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab	8.7	2,206
24	Does This Smell Funny to You	8.3	1,754

Season 3 (2005)

7.92 avg 24 episodes 7.8 → 8.1 22 min avg

Season 3 episodes — IMDb ratings
#	Title	Rating	Votes
1	Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts	7.8	1,665
2	Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover	8.1	1,723
3	Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark	7.7	1,521
4	Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs	7.7	1,522
5	We Called It Mr. Pinky	7.7	1,568
6	Hi, Mr. Horned One	8.4	2,152
7	Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop	7.9	1,684
8	That Voodoo That I Do Do	8.3	1,771
9	Madame and Her Special Friend	8.0	1,632
10	Something Salted and Twisted	7.5	1,490
11	Santa's Village of the Damned	8.3	1,833
12	That Special Tug	8.0	1,623
13	Humiliation Is a Visual Medium	7.6	1,479
14	Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded	8.2	1,600
15	My Tongue Is Meat	7.8	1,488
16	Ergo, the Booty Call	8.4	1,670
17	The Unfortunate Little Schnauzer	7.5	1,491
18	The Spit-Covered Cobbler	7.7	1,456
19	Golly Moses, She's a Muffin	7.9	1,519
20	Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro	8.3	1,687
21	And the Plot Moistens	7.7	1,497
22	Just Once with Aunt Sophie	7.9	1,464
23	Arguments for the Quickie	7.7	1,419
24	That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite	8.1	1,529

Season 4 (2006)

7.82 avg 24 episodes 7.6 → 8.2 22 min avg

Season 4 episodes — IMDb ratings
#	Title	Rating	Votes
1	Working for Caligula	7.6	1,523
2	Who's Vod Kanockers	7.8	1,555
3	The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress	7.5	1,488
4	A Pot Smoking Monkey	7.5	1,447
5	A Live Woman of Proven Fertility	7.8	1,493
6	Apologies for the Frivolity	8.3	1,729
7	Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head	7.8	1,531
8	Release the Dogs	7.9	1,519
9	Corey's Been Dead for an Hour	7.7	1,504
10	Kissing Abraham Lincoln	7.7	1,506
11	Walnuts and Demerol	8.6	1,918
12	Castrating Sheep in Montana	7.6	1,460
13	Don't Worry, Speed Racer	7.6	1,438
14	That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami	7.7	1,473
15	My Damn Stalker	7.8	1,469
16	Young People Have Phlegm Too	7.7	1,497
17	I Merely Slept with a Commie	7.5	1,409
18	It Never Rains in Hooterville	7.6	1,412
19	Smooth as a Ken Doll	8.1	1,521
20	Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot	8.2	1,549
21	Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous	7.7	1,462
22	Mr. McGlue's Feedbag	7.7	1,392
23	Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-lookin	8.0	1,579
24	Prostitutes and Gelato	8.2	1,539

Season 5 (2007)

7.89 avg 19 episodes 7.8 → 7.8 22 min avg

Season 5 episodes — IMDb ratings
#	Title	Rating	Votes
1	Large Birds, Spiders and Mom	7.8	1,481
2	Media Room Slash Dungeon	7.8	1,439
3	Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo	7.8	1,432
4	City of Great Racks	7.8	1,429
5	Putting Swim Fins on a Cat	7.8	1,427
6	Help Daddy Find His Toenail	7.7	1,482
7	Our Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room	7.6	1,391
8	Is There a Mrs. Waffles?	8.5	1,863
9	Tight's Good	7.9	1,449
10	Kinda Like Necrophilia	8.0	1,518
11	Meander to Your Dander	8.0	1,471
12	A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh	7.7	1,414
13	The Soil is Moist	8.1	1,517
14	Winky-Dink Time	7.9	1,447
15	Rough Night in Hump Junction	7.7	1,418
16	Look at Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty	7.8	1,411
17	Fish in a Drawer	8.6	2,130
18	If My Hole Could Talk	7.7	1,431
19	Waiting for the Right Snapper	7.8	1,419

Season 6 (2008)

7.87 avg 24 episodes 7.8 → 8.3 22 min avg

Season 6 episodes — IMDb ratings
#	Title	Rating	Votes
1	Taterhead Is Our Love Child	7.8	1,526
2	Pie Hole, Herb	7.7	1,401
3	Damn You, Eggs Benedict	7.9	1,459
4	The Flavin' and the Mavin'	7.7	1,477
5	A Jock Strap in Hell	7.5	1,482
6	It's Always Nazi Week	8.0	1,389
7	Best H.O. Money Can Buy	7.9	1,368
8	Pinocchio's Mouth	7.7	1,361
9	The Mooch at the Boo	8.5	1,737
10	He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited	7.6	1,346
11	The Devil's Lube	7.7	1,458
12	Thank God for Scoliosis	8.1	1,474
13	I Think You Offended Don	7.5	1,348
14	David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie	8.0	1,409
15	I'd Like to Start with the Cat	7.6	1,325
16	She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime	8.2	1,476
17	The 'Ocu' or the 'Pado'?	7.6	1,328
18	My Son's Enormous Head	7.6	1,331
19	The Two Finger Rule	8.7	1,931
20	Hello, I am Alan Cousteau	7.8	1,367
21	Above Exalted Cyclops	8.1	1,405
22	Sir Lancelot's Litter Box	7.6	1,304
23	Good Morning, Mrs. Butterworth	7.7	1,350
24	Baseball Was Better with Steroids	8.3	1,541

Season 7 (2009)

7.78 avg 22 episodes 8.1 → 7.8 21 min avg

Season 7 episodes — IMDb ratings
#	Title	Rating	Votes
1	818-jklpuzo	8.1	1,613
2	Whipped Unto the Third Generation	7.7	1,386
3	Mmm, Fish. Yum.	7.6	1,337
4	Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator	7.6	1,311
5	For the Sake of the Child	7.6	1,356
6	Give Me Your Thumb	7.9	1,349
7	Untainted by Filth	7.9	1,384
8	Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.	8.5	1,885
9	Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair	7.7	1,325
10	That's Why They Call It 'Ball Room'	7.9	1,314
11	Warning, It's Dirty	7.9	1,397
12	Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste	7.8	1,323
13	Yay, No Polyps	7.8	1,332
14	Crude and Uncalled For	7.5	1,293
15	Aye, Aye, Captain Douche	7.5	1,299
16	Tinkle Like a Princess	7.6	1,317
17	I Found Your Moustache	7.4	1,276
18	Ixnay on the Oggie Day	8.2	1,402
19	Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave	7.7	1,276
20	I Called Him Magoo	7.6	1,345
21	Gumby with a Pokey	7.9	1,407
22	This Is Not Gonna End Well	7.8	1,311

Season 8 (2010)

7.74 avg 16 episodes 8.4 → 7.5 23 min avg

Season 8 episodes — IMDb ratings
#	Title	Rating	Votes
1	Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud	8.4	1,724
2	A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer	7.9	1,408
3	A Pudding-Filled Cactus	7.8	1,371
4	Hookers, Hookers, Hookers	8.0	1,461
5	The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel	7.6	1,373
6	Twanging Your Magic Clanger	8.0	1,455
7	The Crazy Bitch Gazette	7.7	1,341
8	Springtime on a Stick	7.7	1,344
9	A Good Time in Central Africa	8.0	1,373
10	Ow, Ow, Don't Stop	7.4	1,336
11	Dead from the Waist Down	7.4	1,274
12	Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead	7.2	1,280
13	Skunk, Dog Crap and Ketchup	7.6	1,293
14	Lookin' for Japanese Subs	7.6	1,290
15	Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak	8.1	1,394
16	That Darn Priest	7.5	1,472

Season 9 (2011)

6.00 avg 24 episodes 5.4 → 6.4 25 min avg

Season 9 episodes — IMDb ratings
#	Title	Rating	Votes
1	Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt	5.4	3,883
2	People Who Love Peepholes	5.3	2,053
3	Big Girls Don't Throw Food	5.3	1,735
4	Nine Magic Fingers	5.6	1,560
5	A Giant Cat Holding a Churro	5.8	1,462
6	The Squat and the Hover	5.6	1,421
7	Those Fancy Japanese Toilets	5.9	1,341
8	Thank You for the Intercourse	6.6	1,447
9	Frodo's Headshots	6.4	1,422
10	A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes	6.2	1,328
11	What a Lovely Landing Strip	6.3	1,265
12	One False Move, Zimbabwe!	5.7	1,323
13	Slowly and in a Circular Fashion	6.6	1,247
14	A Possum on Chemo	6.3	1,177
15	The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack	6.4	1,216
16	Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy	6.6	1,194
17	Not in My Mouth!	5.5	1,249
18	The War Against Gingivitis	5.7	1,125
19	Palmdale, Ech	6.3	1,096
20	Grandma's Pie	6.0	1,092
21	Mr. Hose Says 'Yes'	6.1	1,068
22	Why We Gave Up Women	6.3	1,178
23	The Straw in My Donut Hole	5.7	1,137
24	Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!	6.4	1,152

Season 10 (2012)

6.42 avg 23 episodes 6.1 → 6.4 21 min avg

Rebound

Season 10 episodes — IMDb ratings
#	Title	Rating	Votes
1	I Changed My Mind About the Milk	6.1	1,360
2	A Big Bag of Dog	6.2	1,072
3	Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt	6.1	1,141
4	You Do Know What the Lollipop Is For	6.4	1,269
5	That's Not What They Call It in Amsterdam	6.4	1,053
6	Ferrets, Attack!	6.0	1,021
7	Avoid the Chinese Mustard	6.3	1,127
8	Something My Gynecologist Said	6.5	1,071
9	I Scream When I Pee	7.0	1,091
10	One Nut Johnson	6.9	1,056
11	Give Santa a Tail-Hole	6.7	1,037
12	Welcome to Alancrest	6.3	1,012
13	Grab a Feather and Get in Line	5.6	1,162
14	Run, Steven Staven! Run!	6.6	1,005
15	Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It	6.8	1,052
16	Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby	6.3	939
17	Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries	6.3	968
18	The 9:04 from Pemberton	6.4	963
19	Big Episode: Someone Stole a Spoon	6.9	1,042
20	Bazinga! That's From a TV Show	6.9	1,147
21	Another Night with Neil Diamond	6.2	936
22	My Bodacious Vidalia	6.4	963
23	Cows, Prepare to Be Tipped	6.4	1,037

Season 11 (2013)

6.34 avg 22 episodes 6.1 → 6.5 22 min avg

Season 11 episodes — IMDb ratings
#	Title	Rating	Votes
1	Nangnangnangnang	6.1	1,265
2	I Think I Banged Lucille Ball	5.9	1,048
3	This Unblessed Biscuit	6.0	975
4	Clank, Clank, Drunken Skank	6.3	1,008
5	Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003	6.3	973
6	Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants	6.1	997
7	Some Kind of Lesbian Zombie	6.5	1,009
8	Mr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room.	6.2	921
9	Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer	6.0	984
10	On Vodka, on Soda, on Blender, on Mixer!	6.3	996
11	Tazed in the Lady Nuts	6.4	1,020
12	Baseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball.	6.3	921
13	Bite Me, Supreme Court	6.2	959
14	Three Fingers of Crème de Menthe	6.2	895
15	Cab Fare and a Bottle of Penicillin	6.2	892
16	How to Get Rid of Alan Harper	6.5	928
17	Welcome Home, Jake	6.6	926
18	West Side Story	6.5	906
19	Lan mao shi zai wuding shang	7.1	1,070
20	Lotta Delis in Little Armenia	7.1	1,040
21	Dial 1-900-Mix-A-Lot	6.1	889
22	Oh WALD-E, Good Times Ahead	6.5	983

Season 12 (2014)

5.41 avg 15 episodes 5.2 → 3.7 22 min avg

Bad finale
Mid-peak

Season 12 episodes — IMDb ratings
#	Title	Rating	Votes
1	The Ol' Mexican Spinach	5.2	1,186
2	A Chic Bar in Ibiza	5.2	1,103
3	Glamping in a Yurt	5.4	1,017
4	Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-Eight	5.5	979
5	Oontz. Oontz. Oontz.	5.2	966
6	Alan Shot a Little Girl	5.3	931
7	Sex with an Animated Ed Asner	5.9	948
8	Family, Bublé, Deep-Fried Turkey	5.5	927
9	Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, Lyndsey	5.7	903
10	Here I Come, Pants!	5.8	907
11	For Whom the Booty Calls	5.5	927
12	A Beer-Battered Rip-Off	5.9	964
13	Boompa Loved His Hookers	5.7	921
14	Don't Give a Monkey a Gun	5.6	989
15	Of Course He's Dead: Part 1 & 2	3.7	5,417

Two and a Half Men (2003)

Seasons